By Miguel Franco Da Ferres

Are you the sort of wargamer who is put upon? Are you the sort of man who seeks the quiet life and avoids conflict? Well leave that all behind and follow the Dice Studz guide to tabletop etiquette.

1. You feel insulted? Smile and tell your opponent that you know where their car is parked!
2. Think your opponent is lying? Nod slowly, say nothing. Silence makes liars confess…..
3. Your opponent is yelling? Lower your voice, speak softer. Your calmness terrifies them- as does a threat to post dried dog mess through their letter box.

4. Interrupted mid- sentence? Stop talking. Stop until they apologise!

• If you have been recounting the dice throws from a game more than five years ago; then you should apologise!

5. Asked an uncomfortable question? Pause, smile and say, “ why do you ask?”

This forces your opponent to defend themself whilst you remove the cards from your sleeve and place them nonchalantly on the table.

6. Look deeply into your opponent’s eyes! Don’t blink!

• If your opponent asks for your phone number then vacate immediately.

7. Are you feeling stressed? Always retain your inner calm. There must be some explanation for that “slight” point value underestimation?

8. Are you showing weakness? Never apologise, never explain! As I say to my current wife, “ I will never demean myself by explaining to a drunk!”

I do hope that these simple eight points will help you over Easter! We have a packed programme ahead of us over the next week but thankfully the above eight points mean that there is always room around the table!

Happy Easter!🐣

Miguel