The excitement has been building for weeks now……our tickets are bought and next Saturday will be Salute wargames show spectacular! Ken is driving, I’ m navigating, Mike L has stockedup on anecdotes from his recent holiday to Waterloo, Graham is on probation and John G is hoping to limit his spending to below three pound forty ( meal included). What could go wrong?

As is usual, I intend spending as much as possible in a short a time as possible. Bicorne miniatures are a target for ECW project, Eureka and Trent for Napoleonics. Book wise Caliver have a new title on Suvorov in the Alps and I also aim to get a copy of Muskets and Tomahawks. This is going to single handedly re-float the British economy, I feel it in my water! But, we must also remember that such booty has to brought back past die Fuhrer!

So below are some tips, gained from years of frosty stares and silent evenings…….

1. Watch for the warning signs

A spouse will usually display several build up cues before becoming irate. Look for clenching of the hands, frantic texting (to mother or girlfriends on What’s App), crossing of the arms, rolling of the eyes and leaning inward towards you to reduce the amount of personal space between you.

2. Listen, listen, listen

Her Highness will raise her voice and become demanding, and may begin assessing blame, claiming victimhood and threatening to withdraw “privileges”. Let the rant continue- remember mother’s words, ‘ never-ever argue with a drunk!’

3. Do not mimic the posture or volume of your assailant.

4. Stay loose- keep your wait evenly distributed on both feet. Breathe deeply but don’t for Christ’s sake sigh!

5. Wait for the tirade to end. Offer to make a cup of tea or coffee for my Trans- Atlantic readers.

6. Quietly get up from your seat. Leave the room. Move to the kitchen. Establish your prescence by asking the number of sugars that she requires. Leave the house. Do not return for at least three days.

I do hope my wargame addicts have found this article useful. Thanks for reading!

With thanks to “The worst case scenario- survival handbook.