Any veteran would be in danger of reliving their combat experiences on passing our house. Throughout the last week, the house has reverberated to shotgun fire and calls for AR no- scoping. It might be usual to hear such reports in some parts of Cardiff but I’m talking of course of the new craze, after roller skate spinners, Fortnite. In decades passed, the kids were criticised for watching too much television. believe it or not, if you go back further enough children were criticised for reading too much. This Easter I have made a real effort to relate to my sons’ hobby of choice. So that you too can understand the upcoming generation, I have put together a dictionary of terms that you may resurrect your flagging street-cred. 

• Bush -camp: to sit in the vegetation and wait for an opponent.

Tabletop equivalent: to corner sit i.e. Place your Wargames army in as small a deployment as possible. You can then pounce    like a panther or remain in situ and make yourself even more popular! 

• Tagging: your opponent tells you that you have hit them in order to denigrate your weapons.

Tabletop equivalent- factor recital: tabletop player recites the factors in your favour in an attempt to get you to assault. Yes, you have lightly armed Numidians but a real man would charge into those elite longbowmen, behind stakes!

• Knocked: to knock an opponent means to get your opponent down before finishing them off.

Tabletop equivalent: to gloat i.e. to memorise in minute detail every dice roll that happened during the game in order to belittle your opponent. This will invariably gather a small crowd of other gamers that will stand around in silence before returning to their collection of used bus tickets.

• Double pump: two pump action shotguns that are fired consecutively in order to finish off a player.

Tabletop seal clubbing: why not treat the inexperienced newbie to the full range of your skills. Arrange for a no holds barred competition game against said youngster or under- aged player. They will thank you for it in the future. Make them feel even more special by questioning the colour scheme or minute uniform details.

• Rush: to race towards an opponent in order to build a ramp and gain position from a height advantage.

Rules lawyering- race to your copy of the rules to render an opponent’s move illegal. This could be combined with measuring to a millimetre tolerance or else taking a twenty five minute vaping break.

• Half pod/ half pot: to recover fifty percent strength from consumption of slurpy fish or meds.

Tabletop equivalent: Chicken burger with large fries and definately no salad!

• Bots: a derogatory term for a poor player. Robotic and without personality.

Tabletop gamers would generally refer to the player as a xxxx or even a xxxxxxx xxxx. On some occasions they may wish to write offensively in their blog once back at their mother’s house.

 Forget your screen, the tabletop awaits!
I do hope this guide has been useful for both the older generations and the youth. In these troubled times we must work together to share our love. So start today, your wargames army is no longer “over- powered”, it has been “nerfed” and the game is ” broken.” Good luck with your no- scoping and remember, avoid the xxxxxxx xxxxs!